Chronicles of Your Hometown Lesbian

I moved

2010-08-13T11:11:00.000-04:00

Admittedly, I moved quite a while ago, but just thought to come back here and let the 3 people know who used to follow me!:)

My new blog is over at: www.thelesbiannextdoor.wordpress.com.

Hope you come on over and check it out!

Ummmm.......

2010-04-27T15:09:00.000-04:00

Here are what people are searching for when they accidentally come across my site.....

Query	Impressions	Clickthrough	% Clickthrough
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jillian michaels is a lesbian	<10	<10	-
older lesbian	<10	<10	-
ass lez	<10	<10	-

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Download this table

Ummm... I think it's time to rethink the way I word things on here!! (I especially love the "old lesbian porn" one! LOL!!)

Because I'm Bored

2010-02-26T16:01:00.001-05:00

So today is the Friday of winter break week, and it has, as per usual, been VERY quiet here. This week we only had to work 3 days, as we had Monday off for President's day (a week late) and a snow day on Wednesday, due to a very unfortunate 2 foot snow storm. That day was bliss though! All three of us were home, and even though we spent most of our time snow blowing, shoveling, and standing on ladders holding very long pieces of wood trying to knock snow off the tree in our front yard so the branches wouldn't break and cut our power lines (how's that for a run-on sentence?) it was awesome! I got to spend the day with my sweetie, and the little man and I had a snowball fight. He then proceeded to tackle me and make me go face down in the snow, and then he buried me. He may be 15, but he still loves to play! And even though he outweighs me by about 30 lbs, and is taller than me by about 7 inches, he still roughhouses like he is little. He doesn't know his own strength!

He has recently started lifting weights with a few guys from school, and he is loving it! I don't know if it's because he is being raised by two women, but he isn't shy about admiring the other guy's abs, muscles, etc. He talks about it a lot actually. He will go on and on about it for hours! Either he is gay, or all boys admire each other and he doesn't know that men don't talk about things like that openly. (he only talks like that to us) We're pretty sure he likes girls, but maybe he is more open to the idea....who knows? Either way, he knows it obviously makes no difference to us. Whenever we talk about when he grows up, I always say when your wife, or husband, does such and such....:)

He is really a great kid. I couldn't ask for a better step-son. He is very open and vocal about his feelings, (most of the time), and will really talk to us. My wife sure did a great job raising him before I came along, but I think together we have really taught him that even though we are his parents, he can talk to us. And I love it when he comes to me for advice, or to talk about something he's not comfortable bringing up to mom yet. Sex is a tricky subject to broach with him, as he gets embarrassed when the subject comes up. But when he has asked a question we have always responded openly. I almost feel like a father figure to him in a way, even though I am very far from manly or butch. I do know more about electronics and fixing things than his mom does, so I guess I just fell into that role. But obviously we don't follow any of the "traditional" roles!

I love my little family, and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Maybe one day we will even add to it;)

The wedding and other musings

2010-02-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so you can see by my little ticker up there, our wedding is just about 3 months away. 3 months!! We have lots to do, but on one hand, we have a lot done already. I cannot wait to marry the love of my life on May 15th! We have the hall, the DJ, the catering and the ceremony all planned out. We have already sent out the invites and have gotten 27 back - all accepts! It's such a fun, although exhausting process. The first time around for our Civil Union, we just had a small ceremony at home. Now we get to have a real party and I could not be happier. The only problem is that if we talk about the wedding too much right before bed, we don't sleep. So we are trying to limit it. Our son is getting fitted for his suit next week, and I am sure he will be very handsome in it. Can't wait!

In other news, the payroll department emailed me last week and told me NOT to file my taxes yet, as my W-2's were wrong. Apparently they have been charging me too much tax since my Civil Union. I had already filed, and therefore had to do an amended return, but I found out that this is all in my favor! They sent a letter stating that everyone who has been effected by this error will be sent a check by March 1st! So yay for unexpected money! I hope it is a small fortune!:) LOL! I'm sure it won't be too much, but $1,500-$2,000 would be nice!

So all in all things are really looking good for 2010. Let's hope it continues that way!

Of Books and Things

2010-01-22T15:14:00.002-05:00

I come to this point this time every year. I have a book that I have written over the past 10 years. It was mostly done about 5 years ago, and I have added and tweaked a few things over the last few years. The point is, I think it's done, and has been for a little while.

Every winter and into the spring, I get this feeling like I need to revisit it and possibly publish it. It's hard to get started on the process because, well, I'm not really sure where to start. I want an agent, but I'm not sure who to try and get. The book is a coming of age story about a young lesbian, as I'm sure you could have guessed, but the problem is, I am afraid of it being marketed as a romance novel. There is lots and lots of romance in it. Almost all of the lesbian kind. But it is also a story that I think a lot of young lesbians could relate to and fall in love with the character. I love my book very much and really want other people to read it and love it too. But I don't want it to be tucked away as trashy romance. That's not the point of it at all.

I've sent it to one of the professors here to read and critique, but chickened out and retracted the email. He knows about part of it because when I was a senior in college (here) I wrote a play that got produced on the main stage. It was about an experience I had with my best friend when I was 17, with some extra stuff that never happened thrown in for good measure...I mean, who would want to go to a play where the lead actors (both women) almost hook up one night, but then chicken out? Exactly, no one. So I added some sex. I have always had a knack for telling stories with sex in them. When I was a junior in high school we had to write short stories for one of my English classes. At the end of the assignment, we passed our stories around to the rest of the class to read and critique. Mine had sex in it, and it was the only one that did. All of my peers gave me an A+, but the teacher thought it was too racy and gave me a B. I don't know where this "gift" came from, but all of my stories throughout the years have had some racy scene or another.

The problem is, I am not someone you would look at, or even know pretty well, and know this side of me. I am someone who is pretty square in some ways. I never did drugs. I never drank when I was younger, and still really don't drink at all. In fact I can count on one hand the number of times I have been really drunk! I think the reason for this may have come from watching 2 older brothers and an older sister make mistakes, but it could also be my anxiety disorder and the fear of being out of control. The point is that I am not who people would think would write a romanc-y type book.

I work in academia, which means that there are a lot of people here who I would be embarrassed to have them read it. But one of my bosses brings up the fact that I am writing a book at a lot of functions. My direct bosses' husband is a pretty famous author (I won't say his name here), and was involved in a book that was very recently at the top of the N*Y* Time*s Best*seller List, and could be a very valuable resource for me, but I'm a chicken. They are not the type of people who read romance, or even fiction novels. They are the straight-laced non-fiction reading type. What am I so afraid of? I wrote the book for young lesbians, so they can see they're not alone. But I am scared that if I do publish it, my colleagues will read it, and then what?

I see from my map that people have been visiting here, but I am sure no one will comment on this. Would you read a book like this? I wish I could just make up my mind and go for it! What if I am sitting on a best seller???

Year in Review

2010-01-12T14:53:00.002-05:00

2009 mostly sucked. There. I said it. Well, really it sucked from the summer on. First it was the chipmunk infestation (see my earlier post about that), then we had another problem. One day I was sitting in my living room watching TV, and I kept hearing this clicking noise. I told the wife about it and she started hearing it too. For several days we heard this noise and tried to stop it by moving the clock, changing the lightbulb (although not sure how that would have helped), and various other things. None of this worked of course, and we just suffered on with the incessant clicking. Sometimes it would stop for a while, and then it would start up again. One day, as I backed into our driveway, my wife said "Oh no!" and I knew we were in trouble. While I was backing in, she could see the corner of the house where the living room and the kitchen meet (actually, the living room juts out further then the kitchen by about 5 feet or so) and she saw GASP! Bees! Going into a tiny hole in the space where the lower roof meets the house! I know what you are thinking, Gee your house is holey! (*See the Chipmunk story previously mentioned*) But actually, none of the holes we filled in were that big, and the house is over 100 years old! Give me a break!:) But really, our house is in great condition, and we love it a lot.

So anyway, back to the Bees. We realized then that the clicking noise we heard was actually their stingers hitting the side of the house as they went in the hole and rounded the corner into where they built their nest! In my living room wall! So we unpacked the groceries and went, reluctantly, into our living room. The wife carefully placed her ear against the wall and let me just tell you, have you ever watched a horror film where you hear the sound of thousands of swarming bees? Well that is what was in our wall. And when I listened to it, I got the heebee jeebees (no pun intended) and couldn't sleep all night. It was awful! And scary! And absolutely disgusting! But, being the strong willed women that we are, we got a bunch of bee spray and suited up. Oh yes, I mean we got on long pants, hoodies, goggles and gloves in the middle of summer, when it was oh, about 9 bazillon degrees out. I wanted to take a moment here to say that these were Yellow Jackets, not Honey Bees. There's a huge difference. First of all, honey bees will not only build their nest in your wall, but your wall will most definately start oozing honey out of it. Which may sound fun, but from what I hear, replacing a wall in your house is totally not fun at all. So thank goodness that we only had yellow jackets. And I say this only because of the honey part, not because they are nicer or placid. No, if you so much as LOOK at a yellow jacket sideways, it will come after you to sting you. And don't you dare mess with its nest! So there we were, all bundled up with our ladder out, and our neighbor came out and took a picture. Great. We never did see it, but I can only imagine. I should try and get a copy from him to post here. You would get a great laugh out of it!

Back to the story. For several days we tried all different sprays. We researched and found out that you should spray them after sundown, since most would be in there at that time. We tried foam sprays and regular sprays and we nearly went out of our minds. You see, where they built it, it was nearly impossible to get to from the outside with a spray, but oh did we try! When that didn't seem to work, we called an exterminator. This lovely chap informed me they could take care of our problem for a whopping $200-$350. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of cash just coming out of my ass. So I told him I would call him back when I thought it over. It took me all of 2 seconds to "think it over" and I decided there must be a better (i.e. cheaper) way. Then I got a brilliant idea! We would poke two small holes in the wall on the inside of the house, one above where we could hear the nest, and one below, and each of us would spray a can of foam insulation into the holes and effectively insulate the wall and crush all the bees. Can I just tell you what a genius I am? This idea worked so perfectly, I almost didn't believe it myself! For several days after I would go over to the wall and put my ear up to it, and nothing! Not a sound! Oh, I was so happy! Of course, now we know we have a mixture of insulation and dead bees in this one section of the wall, but there is no way anyone could tell unless we said something. And if the exterminators had come, we would just have the dead bees and no insulation, and be out $350.00, so we came out ahead I think. We also filled in the hole they were going in with the insulation, cut off the excess, painted it, and Voila! Everything was back to normal. The holes are undetectable, the house looks untouched, and we no longer have a disgusting swarm of bees in the wall. The whole process took us about 2-3 weeks from hearing them to figuring out what to do. And the final solution took all of 10 minutes! ugggggghhhhh!

So that was just one story about "How 2009 Almost Totally Sucked". Other topics I will cover in future posts:

My wife's mysterious illness(es) and subsequent testing/curiousness
Our son getting the Swine Flu
Me getting all sorts of various viruses/illnesses
My ankle/achilles tendon issues and subsequent testing/curiousness
Our son and then my wife getting the stomach flu:( YUCK!

May 2010 be more healthy and less verminy for all!

Wow! 2 posts in one week!

2010-01-07T13:54:00.002-05:00

I know, it's amazing! I can't believe it myself. I just had to jump on and write this quick little story.

Last week we had a snowstorm that lasted 3 days and it gave us 9" of snow, which isn't a lot for us, but still. Today it is very cold and the windchill has got to be around zero. I tell you this because I had to run to the post office earlier, which is about a block away, so I walked. I was freezing to say the least and was walking very fast to get back. I came up behind what I am assuming is one of our students back from break early. Not only did he not have a heavy coat on, but get this, he was wearing FLIP FLOPS! (Thongs for some of you in other regions). As in no socks, bare feet, with just a slight piece of rubber between him and the snowy, wet ground! What is wrong with people these days???

Now, I'm not trying to be sexist here, but it didn't surprise me that this person was male. My wife and I sometimes stumble upon those outrageous videos shows, and I have to say, watching those makes me glad that I am 1) a lesbian, and 2) a woman...although I guess those two things go hand in hand:) Have you ever noticed how many of those videos show some male or group of males doing the dumbest things and then getting hurt? About 95% of them! Now, I am not a man-hating lesbian. I have several men in my life that I know and love. But there must be something in their brain that tells them to do stupid stuff like, I dunno, jump off a cliff and break their leg, or skateboard down a railing and nail their nuts, or WEAR FLIP FLOPS IN WINTER IN THE NORTHEAST!

Okay, End Rant:)

Yes, I'm still alive!

2010-01-06T15:35:00.002-05:00

Well hello there. Long time no see! I've been on a bit of a break from blogging lately, as you can tell, although I never did quite get into posting regularly anyway. (Although I promise to try more!) I guess work was incredibly busy for the past few months. Students wanting to graduate and all seems to take up a lot of time!

Life has been really great. We are chugging along on the wedding plans and had a lovely holiday together. I turn 33 on the 19th and the next day our little Cub will turn 15! He will go to take his permit test which I have to admit is a bit scary and exciting all at the same time. He came into my life when he was just 9. All short and chubby and cute. Now he towers over me at 5'9" (I am only 5' 3" and 3/4's:)). He has become tall and lean and handsome. He is very good in school still and doesn't even need to study, which ticks his mom and I off a bit since we always had to! He is so mature and responsible in so many ways, yet still our little boy in a lot of others. Example: A few months ago he was in the kitchen and we have a light above the sink. I mentioned to him to turn it off when he left the room. A few minutes later he is still in there, so I go back in to find him looking around for the switch to turn it off. He asked me where the darn switch was and I walked over casually and flipped the little button in plain sight on the light itself:) He also has a hard time getting dishes into the sink (leaves them on the counter sometimes) and always wants one of us to make him something to eat at various times of the day. I have been trying to break him of this habit, but my darling wife still caters to him a lot. She's really cute, so I let her get away with it:)

I only have a few more minutes before I have to go, but thought I'd throw this tidbit in....my wife looked at me the other day and told me she thinks by the end of the year I will have that baby I've always wanted....WTF??? I am happy and all, but that was out of nowhere! We'll see what happens on that front, as we are trying to get rid of all of the debt in our lives and plan our wedding....not really a good time to be shopping for sperm! Not to mention I still have to fit into my dress!

Spork me!

2009-06-30T14:41:00.002-04:00

Last night, while lying in bed, my beloved scooted over to me and snuggled around me with her head on my chest. She's so cute, and I love to cuddle her. Lately we've been talking about "spooning" and how we don't spoon much because it's not really a comfy position for the spooner. So when she did this, she looked up at me sweetly and said "Hey honey, I'm almost spooning you." To which I replied, "Yeah, but not really, it's more like you're sporking me." We laughed really hard at that and then she offered that maybe she was more like a ladle.

Kitchen utensils and pillow talk - can't get any better than this:)

And the saga continues

2009-06-10T12:40:00.003-04:00

*Sigh* We are still having problems with the chipmunks. We bought a trap that is supposed to be specifically for them (a have a heart one) and the little bugger just goes in it, sits on the trip pan and eats the bait! It's maddening!!! I have tried to make the trap more sensitive for the little guy's light weight, but so far no luck. When I did get it set sensitively enough, that little shit just jumped on top of it, and set it off! (so now he was on the outside of it - not where I wanted him to be!) I have tried going around the fence with a broom to tap the top of the cage while he's in it to slam it shut - but he somehow hears me way before I even get close enough, no matter how quiet I am! I have tried sitting on the porch with a baseball to throw at the cage when he is in it, but he never goes in when I am out there!

As you can see, I am speaking of these little guys in the singular sense. That is because we have only seen one milling around and eating everyday. That was up until this past Saturday, when we found another one in our garage! So we have only seen 2 since the incident with the bulkhead doors. Damn things are getting on my nerves! People always tell me, shoot 'em with a BB gun. Okay, first of all, we don't have one, secondly, when this all started I didn't want to kill them, and thirdly, I bet I have the aim of a blind raccoon. I have never shot a gun before, BB or otherwise. (except waterguns) I really wanted to try and get rid of them humanely. BUT......after the last few weeks and they are STILL there, I am open to other options. I read on the net about getting a 5 gallon bucket, putting 5 inches of water in it, and sprinkling a bag of sunflower seeds into it with a wood plank leaned against it so they can get in it. Okay, I know this sounds cruel, but I am getting DESPERATE! We set up the contraption last night, and so far we have only attracted one VERY! LARGE! SQUIRREL! It scared the bejesus out of my honey this morning, which in turn scared the bejesus out of me. So the one thing I was counting on to get rid of the chipmunks is now attracting more vermin! HELP!!!!

On a brighter note, we did manage to pick up some foam spray insulation to fill in any holes we can find so they cannot get back under the house.

So that has been the excitement around or household lately. That, and our son won two awards at the awards ceremony the other night, one for having a 90 or above average for three semesters in a row, and the other was Outstanding 8th Grader! Not bad for being raised by a couple of lesbos!

Our Weekend Saga

2009-05-26T14:47:00.013-04:00

This weekend I was wandering around the house, and I saw our cat very interested in something right outside the window. Usually she is just looking at birds, but I thought I'd go over and see, and give her a little love while I was at it. Imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Can't see it? Here:
and this:

and this:

Did you see? Could you count them all? There were 4, yes 4, chipmunks outside the window! I told the wifey about it and when she got home from work, we investigated it a little further. We both recall seeing one chipmunk there a few days prior, and even saw one last year. But it was a bigger one. The mommy, we both guessed now. We had never seen 4 baby chipmunks there before. We went out and found a hole that they kept running into behind the insulation at the bottom of the house. We opend the bulkhead, filled in any obvious holes, and were about to fill in the outside ones when I heard a scratching. It was an insistant scratching - one that made me want to itch myself! I thought they were scratching on the other side of the open bulkhead door, but boy was I wrong! Screwed onto the underside of the doors are pieces of styrofoam insulation. Somehow all 4 babies got inside (or at least underneath) the styrofoam!

We went about prying it off (as soon as we found some plywood to cover the open basement). We pried and pried and heard lots more scratching. Suddenly, one popped out, and ran for the hole in the house. After a little more, another one did the same. We worked really hard to get the darn foam off, and finally it gave way with a huge pop! One of the remaining babies scurried up the door. Sadly, in all our effort, we accidentally broke the other one's legs. It was breathing, but couldn't move. We had to run and get our neighbor to take it away. He came over, picked it up with the gloves I gave him, and carried him off to put him out of his misery. I was so sad. Sure, I didn't want them living under my house, in my basement or in my bulkhead doors, but I didn't want to kill them. I thought about that one all night and my heart was broken. But my wife was right, they could get to be a real pest if we let them live where they were.

So we finally filled in all the exterior holes we could find. Yesterday morning, we went out and saw that they had at least dug another hole to try and get back in. (it didn't look like they made it through the barricade). I plugged that hole up with rock. I saw them outside the hole earlier in the day before I plugged it, so hopefully they are not in there and will find another home. Today we checked, and there are no more holes and the rock is still in place. Wish us luck that they have finally moved on.

What a way to spend my 3 day weekend! On the upside, I did get the pool up and running, even if I did get caught in a huge downpour in the middle of it all!

Man the Henhouse!

2009-05-21T14:27:00.002-04:00

Our home has two bathrooms, one upstairs and one down. The one up is a full bath with shower and tub. The downstairs is a half bath with just a toilet. It's also the laundry room and where the cat litter box is kept. (There used to be a shower in this bathroom, but it has since been turned into a closet). Anyway, the downstairs bathroom door has a built-in prop on the bottom, and you have to flip it up if you want to close the door. As I have mentioned before, we have a 14 year old in the house. He thankfully loves his room, so most late afternoons, we get the downstairs to ourselves. When one of us has to pee, the door is a pain in the butt to shut in a hurry. So my wife and I have come up with a funny solution. We go in there and yell to the other one, "man the henhouse!" And that means run and close the door for me if the little-man comes down.

So if you're ever visiting my home and you hear a voice yell "man the henhouse!", duck for cover. Or at least avert your eyes:)

Settling into summer

2009-05-20T10:47:00.011-04:00

Summer has officially started here. Well, okay, not really summer, as in 90 degree weather and vacation time, but graduation was this past weekend and the students are gone. It is quiet here. Unbelievably, and sometimes unbearably so. It's so weird to walk around and see no one. I mean not a soul.

Summers are a blessing and a curse for me. On the up side, we get out a half hour earlier:) I love that half hour! On the down side, the quiet can be deafening. I'll make it through, just as I always do. After 8 years of this, you'd think I'd be used to it, but the summers always surprise me.

This summer we have some planning to do though, so it will make the downtime go by much quicker. What planning, you may ask? Our wedding. You heard me. We get to plan a real, bona fide, dresses, guests, venue, DJ, flowers, W-E-D-D-I-N-G. Sure, we got Civil Unioned in 2005. And yes, it was the happiest day of my life. And yes, it meant a lot, and still does. But now that same sex marriage is legal here, we're going to tie the knot. Get hitched. Lock on the old ball and chain:) So, on May 15th, 2010, it will be official.

May 15th is the day we met 5 years ago. A day that changed both of our lives from miserable and painful to happy and full of love. We could potentially get hitched much earlier than that, but that is our day. And we don't want 3 anniversaries to celebrate every year! We already celebrate May 15th. And July 30th, the day we got our Civil Union. So now we will be in planning mode for a while.

We ran into some problems the first time around. We couldn't find anyone to perform our Civil Union. They were all "busy" or "not a JOP anymore". Yeah right. Just tell me you don't support us! We'll find someone else eventually. And we did. He had to come from 2 hours away, but he was great and gay, and just perfect! I hope we don't run into the same issue this time around.

I guess I don't have that much to say today. I have been very tired lately. We have been doing projects around the house (outside) such as our new deck:

Our old deck was crumbling and ugly. The previous owners had painted it red, and so every year we had to paint the damn thing. Then one day I was walking across it, and my foot went through a board! We kept the same shape, as the supports were still good. Admittedly, my dad helped a lot with the floor of this thing. But we did the railings and the steps. (and did all of the demolition). We are usually very handy, and could have done it ourselves, but my dad insisted on helping. Needless to say it looks much better and I'm not afraid of falling through it now!

We also put up some new 6 foot fence behind our garage. Then we had to saw up all the old fence and deck and figure out what to do with all of it. The projects were done by Sunday, but I am still feeling the effects. I keep saying "I need a vacation," and I really, really do. Good thing there is a 3-day weekend coming my way!

At least it's feeling more and more like spring:

Weirdness

2009-05-05T15:00:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in like a gazillion days. Shoot me. I can't always find the time, even though I really want to. I guess if I spent half the time writing on here as I do reading everyone else's blog, I could squeeze it in. But, eh. I digress.

Today something happened to me three times, and when something happens three times to me in one day, it makes me want to blog about it. What is it, you may ask? Oh, it's some pretty compelling stuff!

As I have said before, I work on a college campus, so I see a lot of people during the day. Three times today I have passed someone in the hall, or on the sidewalk and said hello. They said, "hello, how are you?" and I have said "I'm good. How are you?" and they continued to walk without answering. Now I understand that this it is just a formality to say "hi how are you", or some variation thereof, but why is it that so many people fail to answer the question? Is it just me? Is it possible that people really don't care about your answer, and so therefore choose not to answer you? I know this happens all the time, but since it happened so many times today, it got me thinking. Has anyone ever though of why this is? So weird the way us humans interact sometimes!

On another note, I told one of my co-workers today that we had ttc'd in the past. Something I had never told anyone besides my wife, the doctor and, well, all none of you. It sort of slipped out during conversation, and now I wish I could take it back. It's like I let out a huge secret, one my partner and I only shared. Granted, we never said we wouldn't tell anyone, but it just felt wrong. I felt like crying after I said it. Not sure why. Maybe because it didn't work. Maybe because I was feeling vulnerable. Maybe because I am PMSing. I told her not to tell anyone, and she swore she wouldn't. It's so weird because it's not like it's such an unusual thing, ttc'ing, it's just for me, it's a private thing. I guess I didn't want to tell anyone unless it worked. That way there would be no added pressure.

My wife has told me we can try again. It was just out of the blue. She still doesn't want another child, but she said she felt she shouldn't try and take that away from me. I agree, of course, but it makes me apprehensive. It's what I've wanted for so long, but it's nerve racking...what if it works? What if she leaves me? What if she ends up resenting me? Needless to say, my apprehension has caught her off guard too. I think we will try again. I just can't see myself passing this up. I know she loves me. She says she wouldn't leave me. But it's still scary as hell!

Jillian Michaels has been kicking my ass and I'm dying!

2009-03-13T10:45:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I'm not literally dying. The wife and I started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred seven days ago. we are only only day 6 though, because we need to skip Mondays due to work conflicts, etc. Anyway, we have been doing Level One for six days. We get up at 5:00 am on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays and do it during the evening on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and during the day on Sundays. Needless to say, I am feeling it, and I am exhausted!! We usually get up at 6:00 to get going and get the kid going by 7:00. So we have been losing that extra hour and, since it was Daylight Savings Time this past weekend, it is almost like we are getting up at 4:00 am! (in hindsight, it was not necessarily the best time to incorporate an early morning workout!)

This morning we both felt great when we got up (although I didn't sleep well) and we were raring to go! We did the workout and then got got ready for the day. She comes in with me to work on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for a class, and it's so great to see her for a few minutes. Well, now she is home, and I am waiting for our lunch date time to roll around and I am CRASHING. My back hurts and my eyes are so heavy. But, I am going to stick with it because I am hoping it does what it promises, which is to make me ripped in 30 days!

Jillian Michaels is very tough. And although the workouts are only 20 minutes each, it is a butt-kicker. We are not big girls. My wife is a very healthy weight. I am about 10 pounds overweight for my height. Last year I did Power 90 with Tony Horton and lost enough weight to put me in the healthy category for BMI. Then winter and Christmas came and I went back up almost 10 lbs. I am determined to work it off and keep it off. Exercise has slowly become a part of my routine and I hope to keep it that way! If not always to lose weight, but to feel healthy. I'll let you know how it goes.

Boy, this is a boring post! I promise to come back and be funnier when I'm not feeling so battered!

The untold TTC story

2009-03-09T14:01:00.002-04:00

Okay, I've never mentioned this on my blog before, or to anyone other than my doctor and my wife, but two years ago we tried to conceive. We purchased some frozen swimmers and injected them into my nether regions for two cycles. The first cycle I got a very faint positive, followed by several negatives. It was very early on, but I can't shake the thought that I miscarried. I have blamed myself for this all along. I lifted a heavy water bottle, and some boxes, and I am convinced I made it happen. The second cycle produced nothing.

This whole process, even though it was only two months of trying, was devastating to my marriage. You see, my wife doesn't want kids. We have one, as it states in my profile, but I didn't meet him until he was nine. Okay, so she doesn't want any more kids. And I want one of my own. She tried this with me for me, but I always knew it wasn't what she wanted. And every time my body failed, I felt as though I failed. I cried so much those 2 months. Two months. That's all I tried. So many people out there have been trying for a year, or worse two or more years. I stopped at two months for financial and emotional reasons. I cannot imagine trying for longer than, say 6 months. We stopped because she wasn't ready. She didn't want it. And that tore my heart out in itself. How could she not want a child with me? A lot of time has passed since then. We have now been together 5 years. My eggs aren't getting any younger, and she's still not on board. This is the crazy thing, some days I feel as if I will die if I don't have my own child. I tear up and feel lost and crazy. I wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant and get very caught up in my own head. Other days I feel great that we have just the three of us. That we can drop everything and do whatever we want to.(Not that we really do much). I feel glad I don't have to wake up all hours of the night, or drag through the days exhausted. I keep going back and forth between the two extreme emotions. I don't know what I want or don't want anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my wife. I love her with all of my heart. There is no way I would not want her anymore. But she doesn't want another child. She just doesn't. And she means more to me than anything, so I go along with not trying again. But sometimes I just want to scream! Sometimes I just want to be heard about it, you know? I don't want her to be pushed away. In every other way we are perfect for one another. This is the only place where we lose each other. She can't see it from my perspective and I can't see it from hers. Most days everything is very wonderful, 99% of the time in fact. And maybe it has gotten less intense for me since she has repeatedly told me she doesn't want it. I just feel so alone in this situation. There are so many blogs out there with lesbians trying to conceive, some succeeding, with both parties fully on board.

I know I don't have a following, but if anyone is out there who has been through this before, please speak up. I need to feel less alone.

It's hard out there for a blog (or at least mine!)

2009-03-09T13:20:00.004-04:00

So, I haven't written in many, many moons. Why? I'm not so sure. Maybe nothing has been going on in my life that I needed to get out. Maybe I have just been lazy. (it's probably the latter)

One big thing on my mind today is the finale of The L Word. Okay, there are so many things I want to say about this show. First and foremost is that over the past 6 years it has been a wonderful way to escape from reality every Sunday night. I mean who wouldn't want to see Bette and Tina make love??:) So many things have happened to these characters over the past 6 seasons, some good, some bad. We have come a long way away from where they started. Jenny used to be likable, Helen used to be mean, Bette was a cheater, and Dana, well, Dana was alive:( I miss Dana so much. She was such a funny addition to the cast, and it was a shame that they killed her off so quickly. I went from being a huge Dana/Lara fan, to a huge Shane fan, to a huge Tibette fan. Alice and Dana were great together too! When I first started watching, it was my own guilty pleasure. I thought for sure my wife wouldn't like it, but I got her hooked and we have shared many a Sunday swooning over, and yelling at, our TV. The L Word has brought so much joy into our lives. Being able to see a representation of yourself on TV was so wonderful and refreshing. I cannot say enough great things about it. Even though I didn't always agree with the paths the writers took, I still tuned in, I couldn't resist. And now we will commence watching every episode, starting with the very first, on Sunday nights to fill our void and have fun reliving the good 'ol days.

But this finale. WTF Ilene??? We spend the whole season waiting to find out who killed Jenny, only to not find out at all! Granted, I had read somewhere that was going to happen, but it was so disappointing when it did! So we are still left to ponder the question, Who killed Jenny? There are only 2 options in my mind:

1) the most logical is that Jenny killed herself. She has been teetering on the edge for so long now, this is the only reasonable explanation in my mind.

and

2) Dana. She came back to exact revenge on the person in the show that was created in her killer's image: Ilene.

I know that none of my beloved characters could have done this horrible crime. To quote Princess Bride: It's inconceivable!!

I will miss you, silly old L Word. Farewell. Don't forget to write.

2008-10-21T10:02:00.000-04:00

Now is the time to donate. Let your support be known.

Gosh, I haven't blogged in a while

2008-09-16T10:34:00.003-04:00

Wow! It's been forever since I've blogged. I didn't even know I got my very first comment back in August!

Life has been very good. The summer was amazing! We went to the ocean for a few days in August and had a blast. I hadn't ever been there before. Well, that's not true. I grew up on Long Island, so of course I have been to the ocean. But I had never been to the ocean off the Maine coast before. It was a lot of fun.

My wife's birthday is saturday! Woo hoo for my baby! And on Friday we will have been together for 4 years, 4 months and 4 days, and it will be exactly 4 months until my birthday. I know, I'm weird to know this, but maybe it's a sign! Maybe I should play the lottery and win and get all rich and shit and have gobs of money to throw around and buy a pony or an indoor pool or a jacuzzi, or just pay our neighbors to move so we can knock down their house and have our own driveway! Okay, so that's probably not gonna happen, but a girl can dream, can't she?

Sugar Nuts

2008-06-13T15:26:00.003-04:00

When my wife ansewered the phone this afternoon with a sweet little "hello?", I instinctively said "Well hello sugar nuts," and we both giggled. Now I know my wife has no nuts to speak of, but we always like coming up with new little names for each other. Here are a few she calls me:

Henrietta Farnsworth
Harriet
Gertrude
Norm Runion
My sexy wife
and of course pumpkin, honey and baby

My names for her:

sugar nuts
pumpkin britches
poopy head
love muffin
goofball
and of course, baby, honey and sweetie

What are some of your pet names for your loved one?

Kickboxing and Stinky Armpits

2008-03-18T16:16:00.004-04:00

Okay, so today I went to my 5th ever kickboxing class. I love, love, LOVE this class! It is a total crazy workout, and it kicks my butt, but it is so worth it! I am going to be one hot beeyotch come summer. (I hope!) Of course, this class is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays for March, so after this month I will have to find other amusing ways to kick my own butt.

There were two things that really bugged me about today's class. Number one: instead of the usual 30-40 people in the class, the boys and girls basketball teams joined us, making the total- oh about 1 zillion people, in an already hot gym. This would not normally be an issue, but they kept yapping and laughing, and the "boys" were trying to be all goofy and cool. No wonder I am a lesbian. I hate it when boys act like that. Anywho, after a little bit, the instructor, who, by the way, has CRAZY amounts of energy, told them all that they wouldn't be talking through their other classes, and she would appreciate it if they would quiet down. That worked for about 4.2 seconds. Why is it that they cannot act like the adults they want us to treat them like? Okay, so I understand that when it's your first class, you are feeling awkward, and all of these hetero feelings are fluttering through you because it's a co-ed thing, but puh-lease - some people are trying to concentrate - shut your traps!

Complaint number two: Stinky armpits. Okay, I am not saying I smell like roses and kisses while I am working out, but some of these girls (and guys) were wearing tanktops, and when they lifted their arms, I was practically knocked out by the smell of deoderant and sweat. EWWWWW! Please ladies, wear teeshirts that cover your armpits when you kickbox. It will save the whole class from smelling your BO.

**Note: Not all of these people smelled - but there were one or two that were particularly bad - so just as a general note to everyone, I would recommend against the tank top thing.

Notes From The Edge

2008-02-19T13:39:00.000-05:00

Well, today is a decidedly boring day at work, and while I will not go into great detail about the nature of my work, let's just say I work in an academic setting. On a campus. And if you can't get close to what I do from there, you are an idiot.

This week is break week. Hooray. And if you cannot detect the sarcasm, you are still an idiot. Why this place needs to keep us all here when no students are around is beyond me. Oh wait! I remember why now, to torture us. To make us sit behind our desks/in a cubicle/in an empty gym, etc., with the terrible echoing Q-U-I-E-T for 7.5 hours! To make the only thing we hear being the tapping of our keyboards as we type blogs or surf the net or go shopping online. How productive is that? The phone rarely even rings!

There are some people, I will not name names, who prefer weeks like this. I do not. I would rather be at home, snuggled up on the couch with my wife under a heating blanket, watching movies. Heck, I would rather be listening to my 13 yr old stepson bore me to tears talking about his maj this, and his prayer level that on Runescape, then be here on weeks like this. (I like to tell him that I have 1 million power in headlight fluid changing, just to shut him up).

Not enough for you? Ok, I would rather be scratching my eyes out with a rusty paperclip dipped in alcohol, than sitting here on break week. Fridays of break week are the worst! I think they take that one day and stretch it out to be, oh about 10,000 hours, and have it be the quietest day of all, until we are all looking at the clock every 10 seconds and muttering, "Is it 4:30 yet," in increasingly creepy voices. And here it is, just Tuesday, and I am already going insane! Maybe I'll take Friday off.

The only thing to break up my week is that I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Yippee!! (yeah right!) I have to get an old filling drilled out and a new one put in. Who knew fillings could wear out over time? I certainly didn't when I bit down on my dinner one night and was nearly knocked over by the pain. Luckily, if the tooth is not cracked, this should fix the problem. See? I told you this was going to be exciting. This is my idea of an adventure! Going to the dentist, and doing it during working hours! Woohoo! I am such a rebel.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my job. I know I am very lucky to have it, and that many people in the world do not have one (and my personal opinion is that if you don't have one, you should not be reading blogs on the computer - go out and try to get one! Unless you are disabled, then you can stay). Many people do not get the great benefits, paid vacations, holidays off, and M-F schedule. I thank goodness for my job (and my life) just about everyday. Which is why I won't be giving out specific info about the place, or be blogging about the people. I can't afford to lose this job, and wouldn't want to. I just wanted to get that gay. (I don't use the word straight much. I even say "you go gayly forward through the stoplight," while giving directions. Well, not to strangers). Anywho, I have gone on long enough.

Someone please send me good vibes to make it through this week unscathed! (of course, seeing as no one reads this, I will send myself good vibes).

-Lez