Of Books and Things

I come to this point this time every year. I have a book that I have written over the past 10 years. It was mostly done about 5 years ago, and I have added and tweaked a few things over the last few years. The point is, I think it's done, and has been for a little while.

Every winter and into the spring, I get this feeling like I need to revisit it and possibly publish it. It's hard to get started on the process because, well, I'm not really sure where to start. I want an agent, but I'm not sure who to try and get. The book is a coming of age story about a young lesbian, as I'm sure you could have guessed, but the problem is, I am afraid of it being marketed as a romance novel. There is lots and lots of romance in it. Almost all of the lesbian kind. But it is also a story that I think a lot of young lesbians could relate to and fall in love with the character. I love my book very much and really want other people to read it and love it too. But I don't want it to be tucked away as trashy romance. That's not the point of it at all.

I've sent it to one of the professors here to read and critique, but chickened out and retracted the email. He knows about part of it because when I was a senior in college (here) I wrote a play that got produced on the main stage. It was about an experience I had with my best friend when I was 17, with some extra stuff that never happened thrown in for good measure...I mean, who would want to go to a play where the lead actors (both women) almost hook up one night, but then chicken out? Exactly, no one. So I added some sex. I have always had a knack for telling stories with sex in them. When I was a junior in high school we had to write short stories for one of my English classes. At the end of the assignment, we passed our stories around to the rest of the class to read and critique. Mine had sex in it, and it was the only one that did. All of my peers gave me an A+, but the teacher thought it was too racy and gave me a B. I don't know where this "gift" came from, but all of my stories throughout the years have had some racy scene or another.

The problem is, I am not someone you would look at, or even know pretty well, and know this side of me. I am someone who is pretty square in some ways. I never did drugs. I never drank when I was younger, and still really don't drink at all. In fact I can count on one hand the number of times I have been really drunk! I think the reason for this may have come from watching 2 older brothers and an older sister make mistakes, but it could also be my anxiety disorder and the fear of being out of control. The point is that I am not who people would think would write a romanc-y type book.

I work in academia, which means that there are a lot of people here who I would be embarrassed to have them read it. But one of my bosses brings up the fact that I am writing a book at a lot of functions. My direct bosses' husband is a pretty famous author (I won't say his name here), and was involved in a book that was very recently at the top of the N*Y* Time*s Best*seller List, and could be a very valuable resource for me, but I'm a chicken. They are not the type of people who read romance, or even fiction novels. They are the straight-laced non-fiction reading type. What am I so afraid of? I wrote the book for young lesbians, so they can see they're not alone. But I am scared that if I do publish it, my colleagues will read it, and then what?

I see from my map that people have been visiting here, but I am sure no one will comment on this. Would you read a book like this? I wish I could just make up my mind and go for it! What if I am sitting on a best seller???